STEPHEN-GATELY.ORG

"Stephen's death seemed so unbelievably random and inexplicable. The only way I can make sense of it is to figure that God sometimes wants the best souls in heaven earlier rather than later, and that's why Stephen was taken away from us so soon.

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The last time I saw Stephen was at a friend's 40th birthday party. We were seated beside each other, and I hadn't seen him for quite a while, but we always kept in touch by text or message. Stephen was one of those people who would unfailingly check in: "I'm sending you warm thoughts" – that kind of thing. He was very unaffected by his fame and celebrity; he had no ego. But he very much enjoyed being a performing artist, whether he was singing, acting or dancing.

 

The way Stephen came into the life of myself and Elton was serendipitous. Boyzone had split up and Stephen had been dropped from a solo record deal. Elton and I were down in the south of France, and Elton was reading a magazine article about this and how Stephen had split up with his then-boyfriend. He just said: "Poor guy – he must be bereft. You know what? Let's have him down here to stay." So Elton rang him out of the blue. Stephen was convinced it was a prank, but we put him on a plane and brought him down to Nice. And it was like a ray of sunshine coming into our lives. We have fairly defined groups of friends, but he fitted in with everybody; people instantly fell in love with him.

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My best memory of him is from that stay in Nice. One night we were all having dinner on the terrace and Stephen was recalling his very first public performance – when he won a disco-dancing contest in Dublin. He then proceeded to jump up and reprise his award-winning routine in front of (for him at that time) a group of relative strangers. We were just bowled over.

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He had natural charm; there was nothing contrived about Stephen. Some people work very hard to put themselves forward in a particular way, but Stephen was just himself, whether he was insecure about something or happy about something. He was a major participant in life, not a sideline kind of guy.

Elton and I actually introduced Stephen to his partner, Andrew. He'd been dating a friend of mine, and I thought he and Stephen would be good for each other, so I suggested they go for coffee. They got on like a house on fire. It was a good hunch.

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Stephen didn't live his life by his sexuality. Some gay men live exclusively gay existences; Stephen had friends from across the spectrum. He didn't lead with his minority card. Yes, his coming out was a big thing at the time – the fear was always that such an admission would frighten off the teen girls that make up the boy-band audience, that this magical compact would somehow be broken. But not in Stephen's case. His fanbase increased, if anything. So it was, in some respects, a pioneering step.

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Jan Moir's Daily Mail article implying there was something sordid about Stephen's death was unfortunate on so many levels. I can only describe it as deeply homophobic. She passed a judgment on a death that was clearly ruled as natural causes by a coroner, and she used it as a club to try and beat up on civil partnerships. This had nothing to do with Stephen himself. What a distasteful thing to do, to publish such a bigoted rant the day before his funeral. It was like she was dancing on his grave. But I think Stephen would have been proud that the piece inspired this wave of outrage at the inherent homophobia in certain sections of society. My phone, my email box, my Facebook page were all inundated with incredulous messages. It's so ironic that this firestorm should be raised over someone who never had any agendas or axes to grind.

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When I think about Stephen now I just think of pure goodness. At my 40th birthday party I sat him next to my mother. Now you're always careful about who you seat beside your mother, but I knew Stephen would charm the pants off her. And I was right. One of the cruellest aspects of his death was that I'm sure his greatest achievements were yet to come. He was devoted to the theatre, and I believe he'd just landed a role in Jersey Boys, which was a show he loved. Plus Boyzone were going back into the studio. He had it all in front of him. At least he died at a happy time in his life; I suppose there's some solace in that.

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But I still can't believe he's not here. I can't take his number off my phone. I keep expecting one of those cheery texts to come through."